Just 500 days ago I was in a very, very different place. I had been online dating – with two semi-serious relationships in between – for about six years, off and on. Six. Years. And y’all, I dated. I went on Lots. Of. Dates!! I likened this behavior/lifestyle to a much less sexual, but equally entertaining and cosmopolitan life of one of the main characters of Sex and the City (me being Carrie, of course, in case that wasn’t already obvious).
Why did I do this? Honestly, [and this is really honest] for a long time this pattern was perfect for my needs; it kept me feeling desired, pretty, interesting, engaging, intelligent and important. And, hello! Most definitely, I was kept wildly entertained (as were many of my girlfriends who were lucky enough to be lavishly banqueted with the first date tales [particularly juicy, were those that went horribly wrong]). But most importantly, this style of living maintained a sense of security. You see, by dating one or two (or sometimes three) guys at a time – and never feeling personally attached – allowed me to retain full control of me: my body, my feelings and my vulnerabilities. I never had to truly open up, because no one was ever that close. I never had to risk the possibility of getting hurt, because my heart was never that open. It’s just basic economics: minimal investment, minimal loss. This lifestyle of dating spiraled into such a tailspin, though, that after so many ‘eh’ and ‘horribly-bad-but-good-for-my-girlfriends’-entertainment’ dates, well I was beginning to lose it! Like………. ENOUGH is enough!!! I wasn’t ‘losin’ it’ in a cerebral way. I was losing patience; losing my ability to passively witness – and be a part of – this rather yucky, very often inappropriate, and sometimes scary behavior involved in modern day dating. Note: I’m not just talking about online; what I’m talking about is rampant in various methods and mediums of ‘courting’ these days. I was also frustrated! Where had the chivalry gone? What happened to really dating? What happened to dating to get to know another person, rather than achieve some immediate physical gratification? I wanted more. And I deserved more. And if that wasn’t achievable, just being me was good enough. In fact, it was great! So I began transitioning away from the online platform. During the transition, I had developed a folder on my computer desktop. This folder was titled (get this!!!): “Douchebags of the Sea”. [I’ll give you one guess, by the way, which online dating site I used]. In this folder were dozens and dozens of images. These were images… of… well, I guess the title speaks for itself. [Excuse me while I giggle at this behavior! I’m actually having some difficulty typing… hahaha] I won’t post any of these pictures [at this very moment], but I will let my readers use the best of their imaginations. Think: Selfie of a guy flexing his oiled arm in the reflection of his own car window… during the day. Also: A floor-up picture of a shirtless man whose pants are so low the viewer is shocked to see three inches of his underwear (WHO he got to take this picture, by the way, is beyond me…). Oh and this was a good one: Guy in a power suit and tie… with his head cut out of the picture!!! *Sigh* Some day, I may choose to do something more with this folder of phenomenal goodies. But for now, I’m taking the more mature route ;) Readers. You need a climax. Don’t worry. I got one for ya. So I was ready to be done. I was ready to press the ‘Cancel’ button on my online profile. But before I did this – just days before – something in me decided to send one last message to… one last man. I expected nothing of it, to be honest. The message was sent in an almost rote or robotic way. But this man responded. And his response was nothing like I had ever read before. This man got to know a bit about me, and before too long, he asked me on a date (100% of which he planned). He picked me up. [Note: Standard protocol when online dating dictates that both parties arrive separately to a public place, and the female often carries a full bottle of mace. But for some reason – there’s that some reason again – I guess, well, I guess I felt I could trust him.] He opened doors for me. He engaged me in lively and real conversation. He was clearly in awe of me (though never inappropriately). Well, I’ll just say it: He swept me away. And at the end of the evening, he opened my car door, walked me to my apartment door………… and gave me a small, closed-mouth peck! ‘THAT’S IT??’ I thought! But that wasn’t it. Today marks the 502nd day I’ve been so fortunate to share with this same man. And he still opens all my doors. Wishing a very special happy birthday to my guy. There’s no way – no way – I could have gotten any luckier! And I leave you all with this. Remember, there are a lot of ways to safeguard our hearts from being smashed. And there is a veritable schmorgesborg of maintaining control of one’s life. But, aren’t our lives meant to be lived? And, aren’t our hearts meant to love? “So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?” ― Hunter S. Thompson
Lauren
7/13/2015 11:36:00 am
hahaha. I think you should take the DOTS folder and make them into cutouts for your wedding. Put them in the photobooth and give your girlfriends one last laugh. :-)
Ana
7/13/2015 12:39:52 pm
Ah! I love love :) :) and AMEN! I was about ready to give up too...Matt is the greatest and he is just as lucky as you are :) PS I need to see this file.
Mom
7/13/2015 03:04:57 pm
Beautiful story with such a happy ending! Gives us all hope, Carrie Vanerrie!
Patty B
7/14/2015 01:16:02 am
Haha! Douchebags of the Sea! I'm so happy for you--you deserve it :* Comments are closed.
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AuthorVanessa Ann, a writer and environmentalist. She possesses a Master of Applied Science in Environmental Policy & Management from the University of Denver. Her writing, at times, can be... a little sarcastic with just a dash of snarky. Archives
June 2019
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Vanessa is also a long-time contributing author (and former President) for the Sustainability Alliance of the University of Denver. Check out her published newsletters here: Some Say the Debate is Over. Yet the Heat Won’t Seem to Go Away, November 2016 Corn. It’s In Everything & It’s No Bueno for the Environment, February 2016 The Pursuit of Sustainability, August 2015 |